Cheerios are my Crack

I did really great today food wise. I almost had ramen noodles for supper, but my mother wanted a taste and basically ate all of it, which did save me from veering off of my Raw Food diet. It's sick to see her that way though. I wish she could want to be thin. I know that sounds bad, but she only had me. There's no valid reason why she has to be fatter than moms that have had 3 kids. Maybe I'm a bad person for wishing something like that. She has a very pretty face, she'd be great if only she wanted to be small.

Intake:
2 Bowls of Cheerios (vomited immediately) - Breakfast
1 Orange, 1 Banana, & 1 Pear - Lunch
1 Tomato, Lettuce, & 20 Baby Carrots - Dinner

Is it sick to like the cleansing feeling of vommiting? I like the feeling of puking and puking until it hurts because nothing else is inside of me. Then I lay down and my tummy that used to feel bloated and big starts grumbling hungrily. That's when I know I got out every little bit. I feel superior over food. I choose what stays inside of me and what doesn't. I'm like the bouncer of my stomach. You might think you're in the Tummy Club, but I'm kicking your ass out.

I wish I had the strength to go for a jog. I was so tempted today, but I always find excuses not to go. Usually it's because my sneakers hurt my feet because they aren't actual running shoes (which is true! they really do hurt!). But today there was a blizzard. I couldn't possibly run in a blizzard in sneakers that hurt my feet right? I'll just keep telling myself that.

My last rant of the night: Insomnia SUCKS. I've literally been staying up until about 7am and sleeping until 1-2 in the afternoon. I mean it's great because I force myself to go to bed really hungry, I'm talking stomach roaring hungry, that way when I wake up I'll be dying of hunger. That's another awesome feeling to have. That satisfied feeling that your body is eating itself and that you're starving off the fat. Nothing more gratifying than knowing with every hunger pang you're shrinking. But back to my point, what's up with the not being able to sleep issue?! I'm not an anorexic so why can't I sleep normally? Someone please tell me.

Spotlight Idols - Real Girls

Ciao, Fiona.